Uncle Sam can plan his vacation now

I filed our taxes today. I can’t even tell you how many tedious hours I spent Tuesday and Wednesday preparing them. Am I the only one who wonders if some of those worksheets were designed by a bunch of disgruntled Dilberts as a prank? I imagine them snickering as they hunker over cups of cold coffee devising convoluted obstacle courses we conquer only to land on the same number we started with. If you don’t file your own taxes (or yours don’t involve a Schedule for every letter of the alphabet like mine do), here’s an example of a hypothetical worksheet to find the amount for, oh, let’s say 1040 line 65b. I promise this isn’t much of a stretch:

Worksheet for 1040 line 65b:

Line 1. Write the amount from Form 8825, line 7 here.
Line 2. If you are single, write $15,000 here. If you are married, filing jointly, write $20,000.00 here. If you are widowed but dating again, write $23,476 here.
Line 3. Multiply line 2 by .075 and enter the result.
Line 4. If the amount on line 3 is less than the amount on line 1, and if Schedule D line 15 or 16 is more than zero, write the amount on line 1 here.
Line 5. Write the amount from 1040 line 72 here. Now erase it and write your name backwards.
Line 6. If the amount on Line 4 is less than the amount on Line 1 but more than the price of 2% Milk, write the Gettysburg Address here.
Line 7. You don’t know the price of 2% Milk? Neither does Rudy Giuliani. You’re obviously out of touch with grassroots America. Multiply the amount on 1040 line 38 by 2.47 and write an apology to your Aunt Ethel here.
Line 8. Write the amount from Form 8825, line 7 here and on 1040, line 65b.

As you can imagine, I’m glad to have that behind me for another year. Now I can devote myself to more amusing pursuits. That is, after I write an apology to Aunt Ethel.