Tag, I’m it. Twice.

The latest games of tag have come to ElleZymnVille. Here’s how it happened.

There I am on the cyber playground, minding my own business, scouting the dandelion patch for hooky-playing fairies, and up runs little Mikey Snyder. “Tag!” he shouts, poking me with the same finger he’d just had up his nose, which would be the same nose down which his geek-chic glasses are now slipping.

“Huh?” says I.

He wags his head. “Neener, neener. You hafta post a list of sevens.”

I smile. “That sounds fun!”

Mikey pouts and shoves his glasses back in place. “Hey! You’re s’posed to cry and chase me.”

“Can’t,” I say. “I hafta post a list of sevens.”

No sooner does Mikey slink away dejectedly, Lukie runs up, his Mikey-look-alike glasses askew. “Tag! You hafta post five strange habits!”

“Five strange habits? I’m already posting a list of sevens. And you need to visit a barber. And while you’re at it, clean your room.”

Lukie’s eyebrows shoot up. “Who do you think you are? My mother?”

LA LISTE DE SEPTS (et cinq habitudes, aussi)

Seven Things to Do Before I Die

1. Finish the race set before me
2. Learn to love well
3. Play/sing in a band called Eustace Scrubb
4. Write stories that make people think and laugh and cry
5. See my children “equally yoked” in marriage
6. Watch my grandchildren grow up
7. Travel with my dearer friend and true love, the gorgeous Giorgio

Seven Things I Cannot Do

I cannot…
1. Reach objects on the top shelf
2. Be still when music has a good beat
3. Resist a baby’s feet
4. Sit through most TV shows
5. Have too many friends
6. Take self-important people seriously
7. Mud wrestle

Seven Things that Attract Me to My Husband

1. His eyes
2. His voice in conversation or song
3. His humility and wisdom
4. His honesty and integrity
5. His laugh
6. His devotion to me, our children, and God
7. His physique

Seven Things I Say Most Often (4-7 apply lately anyway)

1. I love you.
2. Thank you.
3. You get ___ points.
4. 1 and 2 and 3 and 4
5. No, step on your other left foot.
6. Look at the audience.
7. Perfect!

Seven Books I Love

1. Peace Like a River by Leif Enger
2. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
3. The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky
4. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
5. The Chosen, et al, by Chaim Potok
6. Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
7. Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller
and so many more, but at least it didn’t say “Books I Love Best.”

Seven Movies I Would Watch Over and Over Again

1. The Princess Bride
2. Waiting for Guffman (and the other Guest/Levy movies)
3. Amelie
4. Pride and Prejudice (the BBC version and the new one)
5. Les Miserables
6. The Pink Panther (Peter Sellers) and sequels
7. Anne of Green Gables
and more . . .

Five strange habits (for Luke):

1. I talk to myself, and myself answers.
2. I laugh out loud at my imagination.
3. I have to dance a little jig before I can brush my teeth. (Not really, but I think I’ll start.)
4. I eat the same breakfast every day. (Raisin Nut Bran, orange juice, and a vanilla latte)
5. Whenever Jacob’s around I spontaneously compose and sing nonsensical songs while trying to make him dance with me.

Seven People I Want to Join in Too

1. Grace
2. Luke
3. Kramer
4. George Costanza
5. The Great Franzini
6. Emilio (ya no)
7. Waldo

Where is Waldo, by the way?