People sometimes ask me what I write. The answer is complicated. But one rather unusual writing niche I’ve enjoyed for many years involves composing tributes in verse. People provide me with biographical data about the person they wish to celebrate/roast, and I convert it to metrical musings. Part of the package deal is the presentation of the poem by my alter ego, Marge. I won’t explain Marge at the moment, but she’s, um, unique. Anyway, most of these tributes end up being pages long. It depends on the quantity and quality of the facts I receive, how much time I have, and whether or not I personally know the victim, er, uh, recipient.
This afternoon I tackled a rather difficult one. The woman is turning forty. I don’t know her, but I know her sister and toasted her on her fortieth a few years ago. The family has endured lots of heartache. Many deaths to cancer. My friend sent only a one-page bio, and at least half of it would make everyone at the party cry. I wasn’t sure what to do. Besides being very busy in my own life, I didn’t feel I had a lot of positive material to work with. But this afternoon inspiration struck! One little section of the bio referred to her sister’s “secret kisses” she used to give as a child. Bingo! This is probably the shortest one I’ve ever written, but given the circumstances, I’m very pleased. Here’s what I wrote:
Kay Kay’s Kisses
Did you ever wonder when
Kay Kay’s kisses first began?
Were they hidden in her curls
Envied by the other girls?
Did her quirky little grin
Keep those playful kisses in?
Maybe they were strewn around
Blending in and left unfound
Midst the toilet paper trail
That followed Kay Kay without fail
As through the house her banner flew
A “Charmin” sight in any hue.
To most it simply was a mess,
But did it hide a child’s caress?
Some secret beauty, joy, or bliss?
An early version of her kiss?
Kay Kay loved to stay at home
And even when she chose to roam
She rarely stayed throughout a night
But rushed to arms that held her tight
And there her heart again secure
Showered kisses sweet and pure.
How did Kay Kay’s kisses go?
First there was “the Eskimo”
Then “the marriage” had its place
If Kay Kay found she liked your face.
Another secret kiss remained
I think “the socker” was its name
If Kay Kay gave this kiss to you
A little punch came with it, too.
How did Kay Kay’s kisses grow?
Maybe Brent could let you know.
Kay Kay’s kisses found their man
And he became a major fan.
Once he came into her life,
He stayed until she was his wife.
And several kisses down the road
Three daughters joined their warm abode.
Over hills and through the rain
In life’s joys and in life’s pain
Mother, wife and retail queen
Kay Kay bursts upon the scene.
Leaving in her sparkling wake
Kisses for her family’s sake.
But the tables turn today
As those who love her want to say
Happy Birthday! Oh, and this–
We seal our wishes with a kiss!
Large Marge
Marge! I didn’t know she was still around! I figured she was either driving a truck or living it up in Vegas.
Marge at large
Oh, well, yeah. Marge gets around. She drove a semi for years until the other truckers formed a union to get her fired. They couldn’t take any more of her voice over the CB.
As for Vegas, I heard someone spotted her singing a duet with Wayne Newton, but I never confirmed the rumor. I was afraid to. I mean, I don’t want anyone to think I take responsibility for her actions. That would spoil all my, er, I mean her fun.
By the way, you should beware. She’s known to show up unexpectedly.